Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Roger, and, without really thinking, he says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''
And then there is silence in the car. To Roger, it seems like a very loud silence. He thinks to himelf: Geez, I wonder if it bothers her that I said that. Maybe she's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe she thinks I'm trying to push her into some kind of obligation that she doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Elaine is thinking: "I wonder if he has a Gold Card."
And Roger is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Elaine is thinking: "I wonder if he has a Gold Card."
And Roger is thinking: She's upset. I can see it on her face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe she wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe she has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. that's why she's so reluctant to say anything about her own feelings. She's afraid of being rejected.
And Elaine is thinking: "I wonder if he has a Gold Card."
--COMMUNICATIONS GAP--
And Roger is thinking: She's angry. And I don't blame her. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting her through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Elaine is thinking: "I wonder if he has a Gold Card."
And Roger is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a princess in a shining castle, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolboy romantic fantasy.
And Elaine is thinking: "I wonder if he has a Gold Card."
''Elaine,'' Roger says aloud.
''What?'' says Elaine, startled.
''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' he says, his eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . . Oh God, I feel so ...''
(He breaks down, sobbing.)
''What?'' says Elaine.
''I'm such a fool,'' Roger sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no princess. I really know that. It's silly. There's no princess, and there's no castle.''
''There's no princess?'' says Elaine.
''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Roger says.
''Uhh...!'' says Elaine, glad to finally know the correct answer.
''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Roger says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Elaine, thinking as fast as she can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally she comes up with one that she thinks might work.)
''I guess so,'' she says.
--A BEFUDDLED BEAU--
(Roger, deeply moved, touches her hand.)
''Oh, Elaine, do you really feel that way?'' he says.
''What way?'' says Elaine.
''That way about time,'' says Roger.
''Oh,'' says Elaine. ''Uhh...''
(Roger turns to face her and gazes deeply into her eyes, causing her to become very nervous about what he might say next, especially if it involves a princess. At last he speaks.)
''Thank you, Elaine,'' he says.
''Thank you,'' says Elaine.
Then he takes her home, and he goes home, and he lies on his bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas Elaine back at her place, gets a huge portion of Haagen Daaz from the refrigerator, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of the Miss America Pageant. A tiny voice in the far recesses of her mind tells her that something major was going on back there in the car, but she is pretty sure there is no way she would ever understand what, and so she figures it's better if she doesn't think about it. (This is also Elaine's policy regarding world hunger.)
--IT'S ANALYSIS TIME--
The next day Roger will call his closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything he said and everything she said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Elaine, while playing tennis one day with a mutual friend of hers and Roger's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Buffy, do you think Roger has a Gold Card?''
heh... :/
Well, didn't say I couldn't use your nick this time:)